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The Christi Center

Always Here After Your Loss

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2nd Annual Art Show

April 23, 2015 by Lara Leave a Comment

2nd Annual Art Show: HeARTstrings

In telling our stories –of our love, and of our loss–we can make sense of our pain. There are many ways to express all those multitude of emotions, and creative arts is one.

The Christi Center utilizes some visual art exercises with our Kids Who Kare groups, in the Teen group, in our groups in Austin ISD schools, and as a 2nd Stage Monday theme. As one of our programs last year, we invited those who created art as part of their grief journey to invite friends and family to view these works at The Christi Center.

This year’s Show was especially special, because a young high school student, Finn Lowden, organized the show as a volunteer project. Finn met with Christi Center staff last summer to discuss taking on a project, and towards the end of his tour at the Center, listened to Program Director Erin Spalding describe some of the emotions and motivations of the teen art she has displayed in her office. Finn, also a teen, was drawn to the art, and when we told him about the art show in 2014, decided he wanted to make a second Art Show his project–and to help this become an annual event.

On April 12th, The Christi Center presented our 2nd Annual Art Show.

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Filed Under: art, Blog, Uncategorized, volunteer Spotlight Tagged With: art show, children, Kids who Kare, School Groups, Teens

Kids and Grief

November 20, 2014 by Lara 2 Comments

by Shana Rubenstein

What to Know

Ways to think about kids and grief

•  While it is rarely something our society likes to admit, children do experience grief and need their families, friends, and communities to recognize and understand what they are going through.

•  Children under five years old may not understand the finality of death. They will likely need ongoing explanations to help them understand that their loved one is not coming back. Clear, honest, and patient explanations, as difficult as it may be, are important for this age group.

viola throwing game

•  Children of many ages may mistakenly believe that they somehow caused the death of their loved one, by their behavior or through magical thinking. They need reassurances that this is not the case.

•  Many children don’t appear to be grieving because their grief looks different from adults’. Some common grief reactions in children include

Acting as if nothing has happened

Becoming clingy

Regressing to earlier behaviors (i.e. bedwetting, thumb-sucking)

Hyperactivity, aggression, disruptive behavior

Withdrawn or sad behavior

Difficulty sleeping

Fear of other important people in their life dying or questions or fears about their own death

Self-consciousness and not wanting to appear different from other kids

 

•  It is normal for children to use play to understand and cope with death.

•  Children often grieve in small bits, sometimes thought of as “grief-spurts.” A child may be crying one moment and laughing the next, and needs to process grief at their own pace.

•  Grief may come back up for children throughout their lives as they experience new events and stages without their loved one.

 

What to say

Ideas of what to say (and not say)

•  Help children feel like they can ask questions and when they do, respond as honestly and clearly as possible.

•  Use concrete terms such as “died” since words like “We lost my husband” or “Her father passed away” can be confusing to young children.

•  Let children know that all kinds of emotions, while difficult and sometimes scary, are normal for kids to have after someone close to them has died.

•  Children can sense adults’ emotions, and it is important to talk to children about the death and how the adults feel in an age-appropriate way that models that it is ok to feel a range of emotions after a loved one’s death.

•  Ask about the child’s loved one, especially around holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and special events where the child may or may not realize that they are missing someone they would expect to be there.

•  Use the name of the person who died to show that it’s ok to talk about and remember them.

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•  Let children know that there are many different ways to grieve and that any way that doesn’t hurt them or others is okay.

•  Ask children how they are feeling and what they need, they may have needs or ideas that hadn’t occurred to you.

•  More than knowing what to say, it is important to know how to listen- listening without judgment or feeling like you need to offer a solution, making sure children know their voices are heard and respected can incredibly valuable.

 

What to Do

Activities to do with kids who are grieving

•  Routines are incredibly important to children’s sense of safety and well-being. Consider how to help children find a normal routine following a major change such as a death in the family.

•  Let children participate in rituals of grief such as funerals or memorial services to the extent that they want to. This normalizes grief and shows them many people are missing the person who died. If they are not able to go to the funeral, allow them to create their own way of saying goodbye in another way such as lighting candles or planting a tree.

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•  If the child would like to, help them to create a memory box or decorate an area that the child can go to in order to think about and remember their loved one.

•  Ask the child what activities they liked to do with their loved one and see if you can create new memories involving those types of activities.

•  Let the child have a keepsake of the person who died such as a picture of them together, some clothing, or a piece of jewelry that they can use to remember by and comfort themselves.

•  Art can allow children to express feelings that might be hard to talk about. Children may want to draw pictures of their loved one or write a letter to them.

 Sources:

The Grief Assessment and Intervention Workbook: A Strengths Perspective by Elizabeth Pomeroy and Renee Garcia

The Dougy Center, How to Help a Grieving Child: http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/how-to-help-a-grieving-child/

Practical Suggestions When Talking with Children about Death: http://www.griefspeaks.com/id5.html

Supporting a Grieving Person: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/supporting-a-grieving-person.htmhttp://childgrief.org/documents/WordsthatHelpandHurt.pdf

Helping Children Cope With Loss, Death, and Grief: Tips for Teachers and Parents  http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/griefwar.pdf

Compassionate Friends: Suggestions for Teachers and School Counselors:  http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Brochures/suggestions_for_teachers_and_school_counselors.aspx


Shana Rubenstein is in her first year in the Masters of Social Work  program at the University of Texas at Austin. She is grateful to be placed at The Christi Center for her internship and is looking forward to all she will be learning about supporting others to cope with and heal from grief.

As a former participant in a grief group for children, she is aware of the power of peer support and hopes to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who supports adolescents to gain resilience and positive coping skills through loss and life transitions.

Filed Under: art, bereavement, Blog, Loss of a Friend, loss of a loved one to suicide, loss of a parent, loss of a sibling, music therapy, sadness Tagged With: kids, kids and grief, kids and loss

The Christi Center Art Show

April 25, 2014 by Lara Leave a Comment

by Sheena Yazdandoost

The Christi Center will present an Art Show, featuring artwork from our Kids Who Kare, Teen and School Groups, and adults who have used art to express their grief journey on Wednesday, May 7th, from 6-8pm. Come and enjoy the art, support your community of grieving individuals, and learn more about how art therapy can help in the healing after a loss.

 Christi Center Art Show FINAL

 

These creative pieces are a  touching way to visualize individual grief journeys. We have been able to support one another in groups and hear each others’ stories — now we would like to show everyone what each of you has been through using your artwork as a means for expression and discussion.

 

Art works will have a brief written interpretation of each piece for those who wish to share.

 

If you, or anyone you know, is interested in submitting something, please contact Sheena at sheena AT christicenter DOT org as soon as possible. She will give you details on what we will need from you. We will display artwork from all age groups, so we hope to receive submissions from anyone interested!
Even if you decide not to submit anything, we would still love for you to come out and enjoy the art! You never know what you may deeply connect with.

 

Snacks and beverages will be provided! All ages welcome!

 

Filed Under: art, Blog, grieving, loss, therapy, volunteering Tagged With: art, art therapy, Interns, Kids who Kare, School Groups, Teens, volunteers

For Good

March 25, 2014 by Lara Leave a Comment

by The Christi Center’s Program Director, Erin Spalding

Last month I was able to do a presentation on grief and working with grieving children to the Delta Kappa Gamma Society International, a professional organization of female educators in Texas.  It was a fantastic opportunity to meet with women who have a passion for education and who recognize that grief can get in the way of the educational cycle – the teachers’ ability to teach, parents’ ability to parent and kids’ ability to learn.

This year their theme was the Wizard of Oz and my presentation was titled Am I a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?  Now, some may wonder where this title came from.  Well, when you are grieving….do you really know who you are?  Who do other people think you are?  What about the kids in the classroom?  How many of them have been labeled disruptive, inattentive, or even aggressive –when really the symptoms they were showing were tied to the grief that they were not able to fully express at home.  This is particularly true if the parents at home are grieving too.  I thought the title was all too fitting.

Another piece of the presentation that fit extremely well with The Christi Center was a musical introduction.  Now, I have seen the play Wicked and my friend has played the soundtrack for me at length, but I never connected how fitting this song was for us in the past.  The song “For Good” is talking about the possible end to the turbulent friendship of the two main characters, Glinda and Elphaba.  However, the lyrics clearly speak to the end of other relationships – both good and bad.  The people in our lives, whether with us for a moment or a lifetime change us.  I will be forever grateful for parents even if they were not with me in this life for very long.  I also hope that I can always remember to be grateful for those in my life now.  I appreciate what they bring to me today.

“For Good” Lyrics

I’m limited
Just look at me – I’m limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn’t do, Glinda
So now it’s up to you
For both of us – now it’s up to you…

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…

Like a ship blown from it’s mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I’ve done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There’s blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from it’s mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I’ve been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you…

Because I knew you…

Because I knew you…
I have been changed for good…

Filed Under: art, Blog, death, depression, grieving, loss, mourn, music therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: children, kids, music, school, teacher, Wicked, witch

Songs

August 22, 2013 by Melissa Bjordal
Art is a medium by which we relate to each other. When we look or read or watch art and say “I understand it,” we are really saying to the artist “I understand you, I understand. I’ve been there. I know what that’s like. I get it.” This is incredible.
We created the first of many lists of songs that pertain to loss. We hope you listen and, by at least one of these songs, feel understood.
If there’s a song or musical artist that has helped you feel understood, send us the name and we will include it in our next song post. While today’s list is Country-heavy, we are open to all genres and hope to develop a good balance.
1. On suicide: For Blue Skies by Strays Don’t Sleep
2. On saying goodbye and processing a loss: Crying for Me by Toby Keith
3. Oh, Death by Pearl and the Beard
4. Who You’d Be Today by Kenny Chesney
5. On loss of a grandparent or parent: If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away by Justin Moore
6. On loss of a child (you saw this on our Facebook page): My Time on Earth by Billy Gilmam
Watch out for a post in the future featuring songs suggested by our teen group!
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And, of course, we’d like to remind you about helping us win The Big Give! Read more on our post about it here:  http://thechristicenter.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/the-big-give/
By Lana Baumgartner
Filed Under: art, Blog, loss, mourning, music, music therapy Tagged With: grief
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