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The Christi Center

Always Here After Your Loss

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Grief and Sleep – It’s Not Just for Kids

January 24, 2017 by Cara Leave a Comment

Recently, our Kids Who Kare Coordinator Christi Neville, LPC shared this information with the caregivers of children who attend these groups. Since grief affects sleep for all of us, not just in children, we thought it would be helpful to share with you. 

child-166062_640Recently at one of our groups, the kids were asked how they sleep at night, and not surprisingly, about 99% of the group expressed that since their loss, they have trouble sleeping….either getting to sleep, waking up frequently, or having nightmares.  Many parents wonder, “Is this normal?” In grief, absolutely…sleep disturbance is one of the most common grief “symptoms”, and it’s important to understand the potentially adverse consequences on our health.  Research has shown us that sleep deprivation impacts:

  • the immune system, resulting in high correlations with various health conditions
  • cognitive functioning, memory, and learning capacity, which all affect school performance 
  • mood…insomnia and depression feed on each other. Sleep loss often aggravates the symptoms of depression; treating sleep problems can help depression symptoms, and vice versa.

You don’t need a clinician to tell you that simply put, poor sleep makes us feel worse, and when we’re already struggling with so many challenges of loss, it adds insult to injury.  Though this list is not exhaustive, here are five things you can do as a caregiver to help your child get the restorative sleep they need:

1.  Daily exercise

Make sure your child gets plenty of good exercise at some point in the afternoon, ideally outside….the natural light affects our seratonin levels.  Minimize sugar and caffeine, especially after 3pm.

2.  Create a consistent bedtime routine

By doing this, not only are you teaching them the importance of self-care, but the consistency factor in and of itself is important for bereaved children.  Structure, routine, and consistent expectations help provide children with the sense of safety they need to mitigate grief’s common feelings of lack of control. 

3.  Go to bed with peaceful thoughts

The thoughts we fill our mind with before bed set the stage for our night. We’ve all heard the advice to never go to bed angry…in grief, it’s also helpful for children to never go to bed fearful.  After loss, it’s common for children to fear something bad happening to them or to their surviving loved ones, and many children are afraid to go to sleep, whether this is consciously verbalized or not.  Whatever nurturing communication you can establish with your child in the evening to invite them to share any worries, will be helpful.  One idea that can be done at home is to create a “worry box”…before bedtime, have your child name and write down on a small piece of paper any worry they may have…together, release that burden by putting it in a small box, and consider taking the box to another room.  It’s important to then help them replace that worry with something reassuring before bed, such as a prayer, affirmation, comforting words or images, or a favorite stuffed animal. 

4.  Create a sleep sanctuary

Refrain from tv/computer/screen time an hour before bed, minimize electronic lighting in the room, and in general, make their sleep environment comforting and inviting. 

5.  Invoke the Relaxation Response

Grief is perhaps one of the most enduring forms of stress on our bodies and minds, and especially after a traumatic life event, our cells continue holding that “fight or flight response”, which can have harmful effects. The good news is that this stress response can be reversed by relaxation, and I’d like to offer some ideas of mindful relaxation practices to try with your children:

  • ” tummy toy breathing”:  this is an exercise we practiced in group….lying flat on their back with eyes closed, have your child place a small toy on their tummy….in silence, practice breathing slowly and deeply for several minutes….have them feel their toy rising with each deep belly breath….you’ll be amazed at the results!
  • “the spaghetti technique”:  another exercise learned in group….child consciously tenses up their body like an uncooked piece of spaghetti, holding in their muscles for ten seconds, then releases into relaxation like a cooked wet noodle….repeat process until they’re fully relaxed! 
  • “pizza massage”: a fun and relaxing way to connect with your child….if they’re comfortable with you massaging their backs, pretend you’re making a pizza as a way to experience different massage strokes…”kneading the dough” can feel wonderful on their backs, then ask your child what toppings they want, playfully pretending to add toppings to the pizza, ending with a goodnight hug and kiss!
  •  a good old-fashioned warm bath:  there’s nothing to replace this longstanding remedy, and there are many great aromatherapy bubble bath products made for children these days than can enhance relaxation.

I hope these tips are helpful for your child, and I lovingly encourage you too, as caregivers, to modify and use these practices to take care of yourselves as well!  

Filed Under: bereavement, Blog, death, depression, grieving, loss, loss of a parent, loss of a sibling, mourn, mourning, sadness, What To Do Tagged With: children, grief, healing, kids, kids and grief, Kids who Kare, KWK, Teens

Supporting Teens after the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide

September 14, 2015 by Lara 2 Comments

by Erin Spalding, LCSW

For September, Suicide Awareness Month, I wanted to write something that spoke to the grief that follows suicide. Over the years, The Christi Center has moved from having suicide groups once a month to offering them weekly, due to the increased need. We have members that come to us having lost children, spouse/partners, parents, friends and many other loved ones. However, I want to focus on the teens and young adults who have to deal with the challenging grief process after losing someone to suicide.

t_SuicidePrevention
I chose to write about young people and suicide, because unfortunately this loss is becoming more and more common. According to the Center for Disease Control, suicide is the 3rd leading cause for death for youth age 15-24, only surpassed by homicide and accidents. Even harder to comprehend — it is the 4th leading cause of death among 10-14 year olds.

There are many resources for those who are concerned about suicide prevention with any youth in their lives (NAMI.org, afsp.org, suicidepreventionlifeline.org and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255) that you should be aware of. However, I wanted to share some resources for adults supporting the youth that are left behind after a friend, classmate, or other significant peer commits suicide.

One of the hardest things for anyone that loses someone to suicide is that grief is often compounded by the “what if” questions. Guilt and anger also are often magnified as people face the trauma of their loss. Unfortunately, adults often try to sugar coat discussions about death to protect teens, when what teens strongly desire is for the adults in their lives is for them to listen and provide honest answers.

Also, try to connect teens with youth that have experienced a similar loss. Just having a peer understand what they are going through can be transformative in their experience of grief.

Finally, I wanted to provide a resource that is both a good reminder to adults of what youth need and something that can be provided to teens to empower them to face the difficult task moving through the grief journey:

BILL OF RIGHTS FOR TEENS EXPERIENCING GRIEF

Although many people will give you advice, always keep in mind that you have basic rights as you experience your grief.

•  You have the right to your own feelings. Your feelings are neither right nor wrong. They simply are. And they belong to you.

•  You have the right to express your grief in any way that is not destructive, and to be comforted. If you do not get comfort, you have the right to request additional support.

•  You have the right to continued loving care, but you must understand that it may sometimes be difficult for those who are also grieving to provide that care.

•  You have the right to help plan and participate in the funeral ceremony, as much or as little as you wish.

•  You have the right to ask any questions and expect thoughtful, honest answers.

• You have the right to be treated as an interested and important individual, not as someone’s “kid.”

• If you are a surviving sibling, you have the right to maintain your own identity. You are yourself; you cannot take the place of your dead brother or sister.

• You have the right to retrieve for days or years, however long it takes you to feel good again. There is no set time to “feel better.”

• You have the right to be free from guilt or continued grief, and you have the right to counseling if you need or want it.

• You have the right to be a comforter to others who are grieving, if you choose, and to share your grief with them.


Erin Spalding is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and is The Christi Center’s Program Director. She also facilitates the Teen and Young Adults groups.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: bill of rights, loss to suicide, peer support, suicide, Teens

2nd Annual Art Show

April 23, 2015 by Lara Leave a Comment

2nd Annual Art Show: HeARTstrings

In telling our stories –of our love, and of our loss–we can make sense of our pain. There are many ways to express all those multitude of emotions, and creative arts is one.

The Christi Center utilizes some visual art exercises with our Kids Who Kare groups, in the Teen group, in our groups in Austin ISD schools, and as a 2nd Stage Monday theme. As one of our programs last year, we invited those who created art as part of their grief journey to invite friends and family to view these works at The Christi Center.

This year’s Show was especially special, because a young high school student, Finn Lowden, organized the show as a volunteer project. Finn met with Christi Center staff last summer to discuss taking on a project, and towards the end of his tour at the Center, listened to Program Director Erin Spalding describe some of the emotions and motivations of the teen art she has displayed in her office. Finn, also a teen, was drawn to the art, and when we told him about the art show in 2014, decided he wanted to make a second Art Show his project–and to help this become an annual event.

On April 12th, The Christi Center presented our 2nd Annual Art Show.

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Filed Under: art, Blog, Uncategorized, volunteer Spotlight Tagged With: art show, children, Kids who Kare, School Groups, Teens

The Christi Center Art Show

April 25, 2014 by Lara Leave a Comment

by Sheena Yazdandoost

The Christi Center will present an Art Show, featuring artwork from our Kids Who Kare, Teen and School Groups, and adults who have used art to express their grief journey on Wednesday, May 7th, from 6-8pm. Come and enjoy the art, support your community of grieving individuals, and learn more about how art therapy can help in the healing after a loss.

 Christi Center Art Show FINAL

 

These creative pieces are a  touching way to visualize individual grief journeys. We have been able to support one another in groups and hear each others’ stories — now we would like to show everyone what each of you has been through using your artwork as a means for expression and discussion.

 

Art works will have a brief written interpretation of each piece for those who wish to share.

 

If you, or anyone you know, is interested in submitting something, please contact Sheena at sheena AT christicenter DOT org as soon as possible. She will give you details on what we will need from you. We will display artwork from all age groups, so we hope to receive submissions from anyone interested!
Even if you decide not to submit anything, we would still love for you to come out and enjoy the art! You never know what you may deeply connect with.

 

Snacks and beverages will be provided! All ages welcome!

 

Filed Under: art, Blog, grieving, loss, therapy, volunteering Tagged With: art, art therapy, Interns, Kids who Kare, School Groups, Teens, volunteers
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